I’ve been talking about mental health—mine in particular—a lot these days. I’ve been through some lows and some highs in the past few months. Through all of this, I made a promise to myself to give the love I offer to others to myself. I struggle to do that for so many reasons: being a fairly empathetic person, childhood trauma that manifests in adulthood.

I’ve always fought my way through things but lately I’ve been sitting with my feelings, allowing them to happen, and to focus on what I need in those intense moments. I started by making a promise to stop drinking and I did. I went through July and only drank one shot during a party at a friend’s house. That trend continued since then and I rarely drink anymore. It made me focus on my body, my mind; I now spend more of my time on mindfulness, waking up early to do yoga, and eating fruit as I journal in the park.

I also made a promise to myself to say yes to myself in the same way I do to others. That led to taking a train to San Francisco to visit some friends. It was a wild trip to say the least. Here’s what I said yes to:

Yes to catching up with a best friend, my gays in San Francisco.
Yes to renting a car and driving around, up, and down mountains for a few mornings.
Yes to buying those blue high top Vans I wanted.
Yes to buying a lot of strawberry cheesecake.
Yes to randomly catching up with my ex-boyfriend over dinner.
Yes to sleeping in when I needed to.

Then I called out of work on a day just because I could and I needed a day. Just as I walked out of my apartment to go to Santa Monica, Drake’s “Feel No Ways” came on and one line stood out to me. It was “young nigga feel a way” and a young(ish) nigga does feel a way.

It’s been a wild ride these past few weeks but I’ve been feeling better than I have in such a long time. I’ve even started to wake up around 7 each day to do a bit of yoga, work out, and make my breakfast for the day. That’s me; I’m doing that.

Here’s to mental health.

I leave you with a video that makes me think about how I think about things now.